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The Patron Saint of Superheroes

Chris Gavaler Explores the Multiverse of Comics, Pop Culture, and Politics

Who would ever choose to become a zombie?

According to The Zombie Life, lots of people. It’s the premise of the play, and today’s “Zombie Volunteer” is the penultimate performance of the two-week premiere of the online Zombie Monologues, excerpts of the full-production we expect to stage next August at Richmond’s Firehouse Theatre when that other apocalyptic pandemic is over.

The link to all of the monologues is HERE. And stay tuned for the final performance, “Zombie Klansman,” Saturday at 4:00.

I admit it. Being dead is a hell of a lot simpler. Life. It was just too much. It was lonely. It hurt. There’s only so much Zoloft you can choke down. And the whole time you’re looking over your shoulder, flinching, bracing for it. You spend your whole life knowing exactly how the story ends. You die. Me. The only window into the universe, time, reality, everything, the center of the world. I just somehow magically “stop”? How can we be expected to understand something like that? We pretend it makes sense, but it doesn’t. We distract ourselves so we don’t have to keep thinking about it every unrelenting second. Get jobs, have sex, watch TV. And sometime in there somewhere maybe we fall in love. Which is great. Best distraction of all. It makes it all bearable. The waiting. For the inevitable. But it’s a trap. Because while you’re making life so nice and wonderful, while you’re making your life actually mean something, giving reason to the unreasonable, you’re only making death that much worse. Infinitely worse. Because that person you love, your husband, wife, mother, father, child, sister, brother, friend—they die too. Permanently. It’s not just you who “stops” now. That person you’ve hidden a part of yourself inside. That person you would kill for. Die for. They just disappear too? Everything between you, all that love. Gone. Forever. It’s monstrous. It’s monstrous. Who could live in a universe like that? I don’t want anything to do with it. I’d rather be dead. I just want to be dead. I want everybody to stop trying to love me and just be dead already.


the ZOMBIE monologues

by Chris Gavaler

directed by Joan Gavaler

August 19-30, 2020

the ZOMBIE monologues is a fully virtual prequel to our world premiere of Chris Gavaler’s THE ZOMBIE LIFE that we’ve had to postpone due to COVID-19.
Videos will premiere at 4pm on 8/19, 8/21, 8/23, 8/25, 8/27, and 8/29 at these 3 links

Wed 8/19, Thu 8/20
Ken Moretti – Therapist + Keaton Hillman – Doctor
Fri 8/21, Sat 8/22
Marjie Southerland – Chef
Sun 8/23, Mon 8/24
Robbie Winston – Professional
Tue 8/25, Wed 8/26
Boomie Pedersen – Activist
Thu 8/27, Fri 8/28
Caity Brown – Volunteer
Sat 8/29, Sun 8/30
Ken Moretti, Keaton Hillman, Marjie Southerland,
Robbie Winston, Boomie Pedersen, Caity Brown – klansman

the ZOMBIE monologues has been developed by Firehouse Theatre with support from Aura CuriAtlas Physical Theatre through a series of Zoom workshops.

Videos will premiere at 4pm on 8/19, 8/21, 8/23, 8/25, 8/27, and 8/29 at these 3 links

​donations gladly accepted at or text “zombie” to 44321.

The Zombie Life: A Seminar for Humans Seeking Conversion
We know life is hard. When you are ready to stop searching for meaning and leave the pain behind, we are ready to help.
1. Zombies have no responsibilities.
2. Zombies feel no guilt, shame, or emotional pain of any kind.
3. Zombies don’t plan for the future.
4. Zombies are never judgmental, petty, jealous, or hypocritical.
5. Zombies are free of racism, sexism, and all other forms of prejudice and bigotry.
6. Zombies form no governments, run no businesses, consume no natural resources, and cause no harm to their environments.
7. Zombies are never uncertain. They never second guess. They have no regrets.


Caity Brown

Keaton Hillman

Ken Moretti

Boomie Pedersen

Marjie Southerland

Robbie Winston

Production Team:

Joan Gavaler – Director

Dan Plehal – Movement Director

Todd Labelle – Production Designer

Tad Burrell – Set Designer

Annette Hairfield – Costume Designer

AC Wilson – Props Designer

Grace Brown – Stage Manager


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