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The Patron Saint of Superheroes

Chris Gavaler Explores the Multiverse of Comics, Pop Culture, and Politics

It’s Day Two of The Zombie Monologues cascading premiere, featuring Marjie Southerland in “Zombie Chef.”

The Zombie Monologues, a shortened online version of my pandemic-postponed play The Zombie Life, is going live this week at Richmond’s Firehouse Theater’s website, one monologue each day at 4:00!

The link to the monologues is here.

And below is the text and other information about the production.

Every culture has its dietary restrictions. Cow, pig, shellfish. No beef Fridays. They’re customs, we respect that. But that’s all they are. From a culinary vantage, it’s nonsense. Protein is protein is protein. We taste like pig. Long pig, some tribes call it. I’m not just talking the Donner Party, soccer teams crashing in the Andes. People are nutritional. Ever see Soylent Green? Livestock decimated, not enough crops to feed half the world. They processed what they had. Tastes better than putrid fish. That’s what Norwegians go for. Pour a little sour milk on your morning Mueslix? Now that’s nasty. And don’t get me started on the “It’s raw” thing. Have you never heard of sushi? It doesn’t get any fresher than off the bone. No processing at all. E. coli? Mad cow disease? That’s the corporations killing you. You know how many worms per jar of apple sauce the F.D.A. allows? Pick any rat hairs out of your chicken soup lately? At least I know what I’m eating. I don’t disguise it under pre-wrapped supermarket cellophane. I don’t pay strangers to saw open skulls where I can’t watch. Bleed throats slowly to improve texture. I don’t hobble baby animals in ponds of waste while their feet grow into wire cages. You think I’m a monster? We are what we eat.



the ZOMBIE monologues

by Chris Gavaler

directed by Joan Gavaler

August 19-30, 2020

the ZOMBIE monologues is a fully virtual prequel to our world premiere of Chris Gavaler’s THE ZOMBIE LIFE that we’ve had to postpone due to COVID-19.
Videos will premiere at 4pm on 8/19, 8/21, 8/23, 8/25, 8/27, and 8/29 at these 3 links

Wed 8/19, Thu 8/20
Ken Moretti – Therapist + Keaton Hillman – Doctor
Fri 8/21, Sat 8/22
Marjie Southerland – Chef
Sun 8/23, Mon 8/24
Robbie Winston – Professional
Tue 8/25, Wed 8/26
Boomie Pedersen – Activist
Thu 8/27, Fri 8/28
Caity Brown – Volunteer
Sat 8/29, Sun 8/30
Ken Moretti, Keaton Hillman, Marjie Southerland,
Robbie Winston, Boomie Pedersen, Caity Brown – klansman

the ZOMBIE monologues has been developed by Firehouse Theatre with support from Aura CuriAtlas Physical Theatre through a series of Zoom workshops.

Videos will premiere at 4pm on 8/19, 8/21, 8/23, 8/25, 8/27, and 8/29 at these 3 links

​donations gladly accepted at or text “zombie” to 44321.

The Zombie Life: A Seminar for Humans Seeking Conversion
We know life is hard. When you are ready to stop searching for meaning and leave the pain behind, we are ready to help.
1. Zombies have no responsibilities.
2. Zombies feel no guilt, shame, or emotional pain of any kind.
3. Zombies don’t plan for the future.
4. Zombies are never judgmental, petty, jealous, or hypocritical.
5. Zombies are free of racism, sexism, and all other forms of prejudice and bigotry.
6. Zombies form no governments, run no businesses, consume no natural resources, and cause no harm to their environments.
7. Zombies are never uncertain. They never second guess. They have no regrets.


Caity Brown

Keaton Hillman

Ken Moretti

Boomie Pedersen

Marjie Southerland

Robbie Winston

Production Team:

Joan Gavaler – Director

Dan Plehal – Movement Director

Todd Labelle – Production Designer

Tad Burrell – Set Designer

Annette Hairfield – Costume Designer

AC Wilson – Props Designer

Grace Brown – Stage Manager


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